


Running on Empty

by asmodesgold



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Barisi, me subtly trying to throw shade at the show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-03 22:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10260308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmodesgold/pseuds/asmodesgold
Summary: Something's off about Sonny, so Rafael takes him out to dinner to try and get to the bottom of it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Booyahkendell, as always, is my amazing beta!

“Thank you for inviting me to dinner, counselor,” Sonny says as their waitress leaves with their order.

 

“Well, I did miss the Police Ball this year, so I have to do  _ something _ for charity,” Rafael snarks. Sonny just huffs and stares into his glass of wine, swirling the liquid around.

 

The reaction, or rather, lack of much of a reaction, concerns Rafael. Sure, they'd long past the point in their relationship where his barbs could be perceived as meant to injure, if they ever were, but generally Sonny either throws something back at him or rolls his eyes. This air hanging around him steeped in gloom and resignation with a tinge of self-pity were what prompted the invitation when he'd seen the cop working alone at the precinct just an hour before. 

 

The near silent cab ride here had done little to dispel the worry that something was just off about Sonny, and to see him slumped at the table, bags under his eyes, mouth sagging in a frown and eyes dim as if someone had doused their spark in cold water…

 

“Is there something going on, detective?”

 

Sonny starts, blinking at him.

 

“I’m sorry, what?”

 

“I asked if there was something going on,” Rafael repeats. “Normally you’ve already used a quarter of the dictionary by now, but tonight I don’t even think you’ve gotten through the most guessed Hangman letters.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Sonny says, waving him off and finally taking a sip from his drink. “‘Sides, isn’t that a good thing? Having a peaceful dinner? I mean, people are always telling me to shut up, so…”

 

“Okay, first, this clearly  _ isn’t  _ nothing, and second, had I wanted a ‘peaceful’ dinner with limited conversation I would’ve gotten carry-out and listened to myself complain about my upstairs neighbor who’s recently developed an interest in percussion instruments.”

 

Sonny cuts his eyes to the side, fiddling with his silverware.

 

“If you don’t want to talk to me about it,” Rafael continues. “I’ll understand. But something is going on, and I think you should talk to  _ somebody  _ about it.”

 

“Are you trying to take up a second career as an actual counselor, counselor?” Sonny attempts to sound playful but he can’t hide the pain in his voice.

 

“With the people who come in and out of my office all day you’d think I already was one.”

 

Their salads and breadsticks arrive. Sonny stares down at his as if he’d forgotten all about them and isn’t prepared to do anything with them. Rafael digs into his, dipping a breadstick into his caesar dressing, giving the detective some space while every instinct is urging him to press, press, press like Sonny’s a defense witness on the stand.

 

He’s halfway through his salad when his impatience gets the best of him.

 

“Did something happen at work?” He can’t think of anything; it’s been pretty mundane cases as of late.

 

Sonny opens his mouth, then shuts it.

 

“With Rollins? Fin? Liv? Dating problems? Did they deny your application for Chopped again?” The last one gets a ‘really?’ look, which Rafael counts as a success. “It’s just as well. SVU is too short-staffed as it is.”

 

He scoffs, but still doesn’t offer any answers.

 

“Family? Are your parents doing alri-”

 

Sonny’s fork makes a loud ringing noise as it jabs too hard at a piece of lettuce and falls into the bowl.

 

“It’s - she calls me up and is asking me, ‘Sonny, you’re turning thirty-seven soon and you’ve yet to have any kids.  _ I  _ had my first kid before I could even drink, your younger sister is already on her second, and Theresa’s getting serious with that man from Wells Fargo, but we’re all really worried about you, because who’s going to carry on the family name? I know you like your job and all, Sonny, but you should really find someone to settle down with.’”

 

Sonny’s loud and it’s drawing attention from nearby tables, but when Rafael gives it a second’s thought he comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t give a fuck what anyone else here thinks, as this anger is a welcome break from the emotionless shell that’s been accompanying him tonight.

 

“Yeah, well, guess what ma, all Bella and Tommy do all the time is fight because they can’t afford another kid. And Theresa may really like the Wells Fargo guy and all, but she also really likes that guy who flew her out to L.A. last weekend. And me? I should try and find someone? Really?! You don't think I've tried?! What about that woman I just went out with? I knew her for all of a week before she broke up with me ‘cause I was ‘too much’. Too much? What the hell does that even mean? All we did was go on one date and text each other a little bit. You tell me what part of that was ‘too much.’ No, please,  _ tell me _ , cause I just don’t know anymore! Every time I try to improve myself to keep people around, but there just must be something  _ wrong  _ with me, ‘cause it never works. You know, maybe it is something a bullet to the brain might cure-”

 

“I’m going to stop you there,” Rafael says sharply. “And ask you to clarify what you mean by that.”

 

Sonny blinks at him, then his eyes widen and he frantically waves his hands at him.

 

“No, no, no, I’m not going to eat my gun, that’s not what I was talking about.”

 

“Please clarify.” The metal of his fork is digging painfully into his palm, but he can’t will his hand to release it.

 

“I was just talking about Cole.”

 

“Cole?” He turns the name over in his head but nothing comes up.

 

“Did...did no one tell you?”

 

“Clearly not.”

 

“Okay, well, Cole was NYPD and a few weeks ago he kidnapped this girl, and when Liv and I went to get her back he got the jump on me and had me at gunpoint,” Sonny taps at the space between his eyebrows. He's been blasé about the whole thing, but now, something in his face shutters and Rafael is filled with a  _ need _ \- to do what, he’s not sure. “Liv saved me, though. Took him out.”

 

“Have you been to counseling?”

 

Sonny blinks as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him.

 

“...No?”

 

Rafael resists the urge to run his hands over his face in frustration.

 

“Isn’t that police procedure after an event like this?” 

 

Sonny shifts uncomfortably in his seat but doesn’t answer. He probably doesn’t have one, Rafael muses, cursing Liv and the NYPD for their blatant disregard of one of their own. 

 

Sonny’s pushing a cherry tomato aimlessly around his plate, a look of such abject loss on his face that he has to mentally pull himself back; he knows if he presses the issue too much it’ll only cause Sonny to further retreat. As much as it goes against every instinct, he knows he has to back off for right now, and just be there for him. “So what  _ did _ you say to your mother? Not all that, I hope?”

 

“No,” Sonny laughs humorlessly. “I just told her that I haven’t found anyone yet. She tried asking me what it is I’m looking for and I couldn’t come up with anything. What do you even say to that?”

 

“I’m not sure. But I know what I’m  _ not _ looking for,” Rafael says, handing his salad bowl to the waitress, who assures them their food will be right up. “I’m not looking for someone to order me around like a parent or a boss. I’m not looking for someone who expects my whole personality to change overnight, or at all, and who gets angry when it doesn’t. I’m not looking for someone who can’t handle that my work  _ is _ my life, or who uses me to get ahead in their own career or social standing. I don’t want someone who hides me away or who parades me around like some show pet that isn’t allowed to have any of its own opinions or…”. He trails off, getting lost in the light glinting off the condensation on his wine glass. “I suppose this is why I’m not in a relationship.”

 

They sit in silence for a moment. Their food arrives, but neither of them makes a move to eat anything.

 

“I think…” Sonny begins, running a hand through his hair. “I think all I really want is someone to come home to, you know?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Someone...someone that I can hold at night, who I know will be there when I wake up. Someone that I can talk to about anything without worrying what they think about me. Someone who  _ wants _ me.” Sonny chuckles self-deprecatingly and rubs at an eye with the heel of his hand. “That’s not vague at all.”

 

Rafael makes an agreeing hum and casts unseeing eyes down at his food, their conversation swimming through his head and squashing his appetite. When he glances back up he’s startled to find Sonny staring at him with an intense, singular focus that means he’s solving some puzzle. He’s not sure what that is, so he quietly looks back at him, waiting.

 

“I have some shows and movies that have been piling up on my DVR,” Sonny says, and Rafael blinks at the non-sequitur. “Would you like to come over some time and make a dent in it with me? It’s nothing high brow or anything, just mindless entertainment.”

 

A smile slowly spreads from across Rafael's face and he signals to their waitress.

 

“How about we get this to go? I could use some mindless entertainment right now.”

 

They scoop their food into boxes, pay the bill, tip their waitress, and make their way outside, shoulders bumping along the way. They slide into a cab, Sonny giving the driver his address, and Rafael places their food against the door, choosing to sit in the middle of the bench. 

 

As the car pulls from the curb Sonny turns to him and begins to describe in great detail all of the things on his DVR that they could watch, looking genuinely happy for the first time that day, and Rafael relaxes into the seat, letting his voice wash over him and his knee knock against his.

  
Rafael still isn’t sure exactly what it is he wants, but he thinks that maybe,  _ maybe,  _ it could be something like this.


End file.
